vampireapologist:

heauxsettastoned:

vampireapologist:

just want to share some thoughts about finding peace.

as someone with a lot of trauma in my childhood i have spent so long and so much grief wishing i could go back and time and save that little kid, because that kid so desperately needed saving, but i’ve always thought it’s too late, bc it all already happened, and no one saved her, so she’ll never be saved and she’ll never be okay,

and i’ve spent the second half of my life mourning the first half.

but my therapist recently made me realize, that little kid is still inside me. i was her, and in a lot of ways i still am her, because i still carry her pain. it’s not too late. she needed an adult to listen to her, and i am that adult. i’m listening. i can tell her that none of it was her fault, and she can believe me, and i can believe me.

she’ll be okay, because i’ll make sure of it, and then I’ll be okay. you can be okay. if you find yourself carrying a lot of hurt, and blaming yourself, or anyone, think of the child who went through that. because no matter what you think of yourself, you know a child didn’t deserve that. and it’s time an adult told them so.

if I may add on my bit, I see myself as a dot of many dots on a timeline. Past me was hurt and needed things, but that’s over and I am happy he got me to where I am so I can make future me even better. It took a long time to get to this point.

this is a really good way of seeing things too, but my need came from my inability to move on that way. i couldn’t see the dot on the line as over. i couldn’t let go of that me’s pain, but i didn’t know how to address it now that it’s so long over, and this was how.