catrocity:

well this is pathetic!

tomorrow is my birthday. it will be the 3rd I’ve had since my only parent died.

I’ve spent most of this afternoon going through the various things my dad posted on my facebook wall throughout the years- specifically for my birthdays. he always baked me a cake, every year. it was nothing special (chocolate with more chocolate) and he certainly wasn’t a cake decorator, but he was always so proud to shakily write my name in frosting. he was always so proud of me.

since his untimely, unexpected death, I am now responsible for his $80k mortgage (which I’ve just learned has to be paid off very soon, or my childhood home will be foreclosed on), I have developed serious physical medical problems from stress/trauma (undiagnosed currently- which in this case means either i have hemorrhoids or more severe internal bleeding), and I can’t afford health insurance at any level to potentially help cure me or god forbid save my life, because I recently had to quit working when my car broke down on the job (which also puts me out the cost of a new car that can drive on snow and ice 😛). I am dealing with my estranged mother withholding money for me that she got from his will, which somehow was never taken out of her name after my parents divorced was finalized. I am also homeless, as the first group of people I tried renting my house to were ‘friends’ who destroyed the home nearly beyond repair. I could no longer stomach to live there after the things they said to me about my dead father, nor could I afford electric/utility bills AND the mortgage all alone. and that is very much only the beginning. I don’t want to give a sob story. I just don’t want anyone to think I would be doing this kind of thing if my circumstances weren’t dire.

I know and am beyond grateful for the fact that I have it better than many, many, many people. but I am having a harder time right now than I ever expected to have in my very young and already previously quite traumatic life. I am so tired and devastated every day by the pressure money puts on me atop the grief I am still reeling from: being orphaned back when I was only 17. I had no chance to prepare, and now I have no one to fall back on.

tl;dr

I would really like to have a cake for my birthday for the first time in 3 years, and I would even more so like to try and improve the miserable quality of life I’m currently experiencing. if you think you have even a dollar to spare for some random idiot orphan, I would do anything to return the favor to you.

$catrocious |||| /itsabeautifulfeeling

thank you for reading, even. sometimes it is just nice to vent. please PM me if you send me any money so that I can personally thank you.. or if you just have some similar experience and want to offer advice/just talk. anything helps.